Paper Pants

Dressed only in a surgical gown, shoes and socks, and disposable paper shorts with natty bum flap,I still managed to sneak a blip whilst waiting my turn to have an endoscope shoved up my arse. There were a lot of unnerving sounds coming from behind these doors: they eventually wheeled the patient out on a trolley, which didn't inspire confidence, I can tell you.

Luckily my "procedure" went well and I even managed some light banter with the camera jockey. My request for a souvenir DVD of the "The Incredible Reaming Adventure" was politely declined, however.

To facilitate matters they pump air up your exhaust pipe, so I spent the rest of the afternoon farting horribly.