Oh Plaster of Scotland

.. when will we see your like again? Fookin' never I hope, jings that was painful.

So yes. This should have been yesterdays Blip but sadly never got around to it on account of my inherent laziness.

To the hospital then for the biopsy. As regular readers may well know, I recently discovered a rather sizeable lump in my side, the side effect (no pun intended) of the diet I had been following. After days, weeks, months - who knows - of hiding underneath my fat layers, it suddenly had no place to hide in the new thinner me. Not that it ever bothered me mind you. I never felt it, it never made me ill, but rather like The Krankies, it just shouldn't be there.

So after much consultation with doctors (a real Dutch thing this - how many meetings can we make this man attend without actually doing anything?) and much use of expensive machinery they finally decided they should go in and have a look.

The biopsy was done by a trendy young doctor who had a Sharleen Spiteri hairdo (from the Southside phase) and much chewing gum. A real lesson in not letting appearances fool you, he did a grand job without inflicting too much pain. The pain is in the fear of the unknown. Or, in this case, the fear of the known, manifested here by two enormous needles.

In the end it took him a while to find the lump, but once he had he was very efficient and took out the two samples he needed. I had it in mind that it was going to be a salami-like sample, two big meaty chunks of flesh in a test tube, but in the end it amounted to nothing more than two very small scrapings of what looked like his nosepickings.

Anyroad, the whole procedure didn't really hurt. The pain came later once the anesthetic wore off.

This morning I took off the plaster and laid it out on the worktop, the whole effect reminding me of our dear beloved saltire. Agree? Aye? Naw?

{snap}