Sad

The news that my grandad will not be returning to his home of the last 40 odd years is no real surprise. For some time he has been too unwell for it to be a real option. But I am gutted. My experience of dementia is that everything is rubbish, I would like to be more poetic but there isn't much point really. You watch someone you love struggle and you lose parts of them, you watch other loved ones care and battle on behalf of the person with dementia. You grieve whilst the person is still here and also celebrate all the funny things and small victories. And then, at the end, you are faced with a ridiculous financial worry on top of all the other worries about what this will mean for everyone. It's bloody pointless.

What I want for him is that he will go to live in a nice place, that's not too much like a hospital, where the staff are kind and where someone knows how he likes his tea, what cake he would like best and what football team he supports. I want his carers to recognise that the man he is just now is only part of the man he has been. But this is unlikely, and not because there aren't lots of decent kind carers out there, but because of the cost involved. So I am sad, for my grandad most of all, and then for everyone else as well.

My only real smile today came from opening this drawer and seeing this wee cheeky face...