you will be first against the wall

Bastards, the lot of them.

Firstly we-sell-crumpler.co.uk are bastards for having terms and conditions of carriage which heavily indicate that my item would be delivered by the Royal Mail. They are bastards for not fecking telling me that they'd sent it by Citylink instead. They're bastards for not telling me the tracking number until after the second delivery attempt and are utter utter bum-faced stupid smelly bastards for trying to argue with me on the telephone about them apparently being unable or unwilling to contact Citylink to arrange a redelivery to another address and for disputing the meaning of the mis-spelled words on their website concerning the deliverythings.

Citylink are bastards for shutting their Edinburgh depot and forcing me to get a train to Livingston to pick up my package from their depot (located fragrantly behind the tip).

The thoughtless assmonkeys who removed the Nairn Road sign from the posts are bastards for making me trudge an additional couple of hundred metres to the end of the industrial estate.

Google Maps are bastards for not showing footpaths on their mobile-telephone-delivered mapstuffs. Ordnance Survey are bastards for not having a mobile client for Get-A-Map. Finally, the people who designed Livingston are bastards for their attitude to pedestrians in both road layout and sign-posting. And for making the town smell faintly.

At least I now have my bag with which I am initially most pleased. It will be easier to ring we-sell-crumpler.co.uk to complain about them and in particular the attitude of the abrasive-voiced woman I spoke to this morning from the position of having a bag rather than from the depths of bagless frustration.

I expect I shall elaborate further on the bag-performance when more informations are available but it easily swallowed my current second work-bag (flask, water bottle, apples, jumper, sunglasses, New Scientist and a magazine from the work photo club) and still had space for two kilogrammes of soup, a pint of milk and a bag of bagels from the shop on the way back from the train station. I would obviously recommend it but there's the slight problem of there being hardly anywhere left from which I could suggest getting one...