Waiting for Reu

And all day he waited for his big brother to come home. We did every floor and table puzzle - Callum is a puzzle genius - but he kept asking for him. We danced and sang, I attempted to clean the kitchen with my trusty helper. He sang "Five little monkeys" so beautifully all the way through.

Reuben spent the day at UCLA hospital having a 2hr MRI under general anesthesia to visualize his spinal chord, required information for the neuro and orthopedic surgeons who'll be performing the operation in June. After breaking and resetting his neck using pins and a bone graft, he'll recover via the wearing of a metal halo screwed to his skull for 3 months. I say this rather matter of factly, but it scares the hell out of me, not least How does Reuben sleep wearing it? How do I keep the boys from wrestling with each other? How will it affect him emotionally? How can I best explain what's happening to him? Does it fit in the carseat? And that's not thinking too much about the major cervical spine surgery itself. There really isn't another way, I know as look at his neck this evening and his omnipresent tilt. The long and dreadful road to his neck surgery next month is just beginning. I'll need a lot of strength. Right now, my legs keep aching and I don't seem to have a long stretch of feeling well. Perhaps it's just age or my very dodgy cartilage on my knees. I certainly feel every bit 40 years older than my toddlers.

In the end, some light has to be shed: the prospect of Reuben's better posture, protecting his spinal chord and offsetting scoliosis of his spine. That's the focus. The wider picture I have to keep thinking about.