"I am a Little Tit".

"This is because I woke Master up at 3.10am by sitting on his chest and breathing my foul breath directly up his left nostril whilst miaowing like some deranged banshee. Don't feel sorry for me and my slaughtered turkey look, instead be concerned about Master and his severe grumpiness due to sleep deprivation.
I'm now going to hide under the bed in the spare room. I advise you do the same."

Confession: Scarred cat = views, stars and sympathy comments. (It was She Said's idea, honest)