Everything Happens For A Reason

Okay first the inconsequential part of my daily photo journal: the photo. This is the ring my ex bought me after a month and asked me to wear on my wedding finger to stop other girls chatting to me as they'd think I was married. I found that quite amusing as in the past I'd used my ginger hair and oversized forehead for the same purpose but she insisted. She didn't skimp either: genuine Elizabeth Duke this was. At least £20.

Right onto the important stuff. Me. I'm giving this whole writing thing some serious thought now. In the past I never have because it's always been family and friends telling me I have a bit of talent. Y'know the drill: I write a story at school about vampires or something, it comes home and Mum goes 'yeah thats ace' or Dad goes 'I haven't read it all, but the first line was good'.... then maybe when I'm 23 I write an article for a fanzine and a mate goes 'yeah it made me laugh' and I think 'but so does farting in public and xenophobia'....

However suddenly here I am expressing my brand of humour and 'wit' on a forum utilised by many different types of people. English, Irish, Scots and the Welsh. I suspect there are quite a few 'middle class' people laughing at it (or hopefully) as well as what I like to deam 'working class'. (the difference as I've said before is a tolerance to humus)(and it depends on what you watch on TV. 19th century period drama = middle class. Coronation Street - Working class. Celebrity Juice - No class).

So heres my plan. I knock up a fictional novel 'diary style' as suggested by you kind, kind (and anonymous) people. I then post it somewhere on a blog site and bung the link on here. You guys read it. If it has you clenching your bum cheeks in mirth then I take the next step.

Trouble is I don't know what the next step is. Publishing houses? I'm sure some blippers have been published before.

Question: Do i get paid for it or do I just go on, safe in the knowledge people are laughing with me (at me whatever)? I mean having a 'talent' as you guys succinctly put it is nice, but it doesn't put Carlsberg in the fridge or nice shirts on my back now does it? I'm not sure Admiral Insurance will accept written testimonials (probably spelt wrong) from you lot as car insurance payment. I wish they did.

FA Cup final day today so time to jump in my petrol guzzling Golf GTI and shoot over to Clean n Lees for our annual Cup Final watch. This year of course Jackie (clean) is consigned to the sofa so me and the Northern Monkey will probably be on our toes watching it in the kitchen on a 15" portable. Me and Lee tend to watch every cup final together and the first England game of any major tournament. Last match we saw was England and the USA although we got seperated after the game and I ended up having to sleep in my car, which was a bit of a pain as the alarm went off everytime I rolled over. I ended up laying as rigid as possible on the backseat of my Vectra under a flourescent workers jacket with the doors unlocked on a council estate in Lincoln. The fact I had war paint on my face and stank of spirits possibly detered any would be robbers from entering my vehicle.

Happy Saturday blah blah blah