Escape

She never knows when it will stop. Yet always has the sense of when it begins. Almost like clockwork really. She can seeing it coming - which is good she guesses. If its going to happen she would rather know when rather than getting caught off guard. It numbing at this point. Essentially mirrors breakfast - just another part of her day. For the first few years she always asked 'why'? Never got an answer back but felt she deserved one. It wasn't was she signed up for - an answer was the least she deserved. After a while she gave up asking the unanswered questions. More of an acceptance. If it was going to be what it is - then it was her only option. But she didn't understand why others accepted it - her hands were tied - she couldn't choose otherwise. But someone could have. Someone could have make the decision to end it - a long time ago. It would have been a decision for a family not a selfish one.
This was her escape. Yes it was a windowsill, yes it wasn't far but it was enough. She would spend hours there. Staring into nothing, never focusing on anything. She would text her friends - mostly lying about what she was really doing. It wasn't their problem - she vowed she wouldn't make it anyone's but her one. She knew it wasn't fair to her so it wouldn't be fair to anyone else. She vowed her life would be different - her kids would have it different - her life...her life. These hours planning on what her life would end up being. Once she had one. Laughing. Fun. Family...Someday.
And she will have it one day - but not today. Today is her norm. But it will soon pass. Hopefully it all will pass soon. It has to - right?