Bother

Pretty meh start to my day.
I won't go into it all. I've bored my self with feeling depressed and talking about it! :P Needless to say bad day at work and wasn't feeling too cheery.
Sad thing is I was feeling teary. So before leaving work I stood out side for a while and tried with steely determination to hold back the tears.
Several deep breaths later I was going to smile, wave and leave without letting on to anyone. That is until I walked into the front of the shop and my mum was sat waiting at the table.
I don't know what happened the damn just broke and I burst into tears right there in the middle of the shop. My mum bless her whisked me away post haste. I never lifted my eyes to anyone. We just left.
It's funny this depression thing I have.
Some times I can kid myself that all is ok. I'm functioning nicely. I can even kid myself I'm not miserable.
Then it hits. Like a bloody hammer to the skull. It knocks me back.
I know I'm not the first and I definitly won't be the last person to be effected this way, but its a terrible lonely place to be.
I feel guilty talking to my man because it's hard on him. He feels he should be able to make me happy.
My family is hard to talk to too. Not because of anything they do but rather the person I am when I'm with them.
I'm never sure blipping is the best idea either. Who wants to read about a moany bitch whine again and again?
I suppose it's nice to just put it out there. It means its there and not in my head. Easier than keeping a diary but I don't know why.
Back to mum's again tonight. It's Dads birthday so we demanded fed.
This is my little sister. I'm not sure if i've posted her on her before.
She's having a ruff time of it too. She's not sure what to do, where to go...she's drifting. I wish I could tell her. I wish I could give her the answers.