Rock Bottom

Sorry for missing a few days and being all soft etc. Today I went and sat in Willingham Woods for a couple of hours and poured my heart out onto a piece of paper. I will probably burn it later.

So what happened? Well we had an ace date Tuesday, at the end we kissed just as we had on the first date. Early the next day we sent a few texts arranging to go to the coast this weekend. Then it suddenly went wrong.

Without warning I woke Thursday to the text your saw on here. I didn't know how to react so I popped into her work with a rose. There is kind of a back story, Tuesday night we both opened up about our pasts and hers is as bad (worse maybe) than mine. We connected.

She text Thursday afternoom saying that maybe she didn't want to lose me because of her past. Since then I've been smashed, but it transpires that she wants to be alone and doesn't want me..... just like that. I did nothing wrong, and it was her being the most forward, saying some fortune teller had told her that her new man (me) would be the one she ended up with. Yesterday she text really late on just saying it was a no go.

I was a bit stupid last night and ended up plastered in bed by about 7pm. My moment of clarity came this morning so I just sent her a text at 9am apologising for my drunken texts and hoping we could still be friends.

Fast forward to now. No reply, and I'm feeling a bit indignant. I didn't force her onto Match. I didn't force her to text me. I didn't force her to admit she connected with me like nobody else. I didnt force her to tell me her secrets. I didn't force any of it. On our dates she talked more than me, anything soppy / future based she started. So what the fuck did I do?

Soooooooo I text her again now, asking for a meet and a chat. I want to understand. I may have been out of order but I put 'you owe me that' because frankly she does. I started to fall for her and at no point did she put the brakes on. It's been one hour and twenty minutes since that text went out.

Nothing.

Y'know what? I'm not sure its worth it. I've felt sick and lost for nearly three days now. On Tuesday evening I was on top of the world kissing a beautiful blond girl in my car and planning future dates. Now I'm sat alone on my sofa with an empty feeling in my guts and a heart thats broken before it'd even started to grow fond.

How fair is that?