Look Behind You

*Said in scary Ghostface voice* WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SCARY MOVIE?

I'd never been a fan of scary movies. I don't like gore. I don't like jumping out of my skin. I don't like the unexpected.
So basically, I'm a wimp.

Recently, I've gotten into them a bit more.
As you can see, I saw Scream 4 today (I can't bring myself to say SCRE4M - it's corny). Went with my boyfriend and I'm so glad he was there. I must have squished his hand so hard that I broke every bone in his hand. He's as much of a girl as me, but I like to pretend that he'll protect me.

After watching this movie and a few others...I do get irritated. Stupid things that these people do.
So, I thought, as I've written such down and dreary Blips recently, I'd try and have a bit of fun.
So here it is.

Alix's Guide To Stay Alive In A Scary Movie (For As Long As Possible Because I Can't Save You)[/u]

1. Never stay on your own. You always get killed when you're on your own. As long as the person you stay with isn't the killer. So screen the person you're with vigilantly. Ok. Erm. That's difficult. Stay with your Mum. She wouldn't hurt you. And she's older. They always kill the older one's first.

2. Find a network with good mobile phone signal. It drives me mental that every time someone needs to make a phone call, they have no signal. Funny how they could make a phone call ten minutes before. So everyone go on a good network. Just in case you find yourself in a scary movie. Like Vodafone for example ;) (Shameless plug, sorry)

3. Lock yourself in a room if a killer is about. And don't come out if they decide to walk about outside. You know they're there. You know they're scary. They'll get bored eventually. Or sleepy. So don't lock yourself in the bedroom. They might go for a nap.

4. If someone in part of your group decides to split up...shoot them. They're clearly gonna get you killed. Or be the killer. Or they're just a waste of space with stupid ideas. Either way, kill them.
Or don't. Cos that's one less person that they can kill first. I guess it's a judgement call.

5. Don't run upstairs away from the monster. For a start, no one looks sane when they're bounding up the stairs and the monster is always faster. Also, you're quite likely to trip and then you'll just look silly. And how do you expect to get out of the house if you're on the second floor. And you know all the doors will be locked. It's always the way. So then you're the idiot whose insanely run the stairs, tripped over and is trying all the locked doors. Silly. Just stay downstairs and run into the garden! Simples.

6. Never be blonde, have big breasts or insanely beautiful. I'll have no problem then :D You're always gonna be the one that's killed first. You're annoying, you'll be hysterical and everyone loves seeing that one die. So dye your hair black, put a pin in your boobs and develop a bad case of acne. Or turn into an ugly man. Gordon Brown would never get killed in a movie. He's far too ugly.

7. Never say 'Whose there?' or 'I'll be right back.' The killer is there and you won't be back. Instead, say 'I know exactly whose there' or 'I'm not coming back'. You'll confuse the killer. They're not clever people. Otherwise they wouldn't create suspicious circumstances and make lots of noise. Then pull out a sheet (of course cutting out holes for the eyes) and make sounds like a ghost. THAT would really mess with their minds.

8. Don't shower. Ever. Murderers are all perves. They're waiting for you. Ok, you might get smelly, but I guess you could look at that in a good way. That's just another way of warding off the murderers. No one likes a smelly person.

9. Don't be in law enforcement. You're useless and you always get killed (I'm not talking about really police officers, by the way. Just the one's in movies). You act as a false sense of security as the teens in movies always assume these police officers are going to save us so do us all a favour and stay in McDonald's.

10. And finally. The Golden Rule. Suspect everyone. Especially those who write guides on how to survive. Especially those who admit they won't be able to save you. Especially the ones looking into your window. RIGHT NOW!








Hahaha.
Got you.
Not really there.






I'm in the closet.




Oh look at that. Got you again!
I won't do that again.
Just...

LOOK BEHIND YOU.





Oh look. Nothing there. Feel embarrassed :D

Honestly. That's it.
You can tell I'm in a better mood today :)

That's because I got my start date for Vodafone. Woooh :D 2nd May which is Monday!! Scary!!

Thanks for keeping with me these last few days. You're all amazing.

A xx

'Look behind you Avoid the shadows Watch your back now' - Ghost - Parachute