The Great British Menu

Dear Optomen Television/BBC

I am writing to you about what could, and should, be an excellent television programme. I'm a sucker for cooking programmes, and the Great British Menu really does see some fabulous food on offer, produced by some excellent chefs. But then you presumably know that, so I won't labour the point. Which is the point.

Somehow you have managed to turn a ten minute show into a half hour trudge with inane commentary full of constant reminders for an audience which you presumably believes has the attention span and recall of an amnesiac goldfish. Throughout the show we are treated to numerous recaps of what each chef is cooking; told roughly 32 times that one chef is 'taking a risk'; reminded ad nauseum that one of the three will be kicked out before the panel of judges get to taste the best dishes; explained to that one chef is trying to wind up his rivals (shown through some lazy editing that only just about backs up the words); and quite simply treated as if the concept of paying attention to a television programme for more than a few minutes at a time is as foreign to us as charisma is to Marcus Wareing.

At least we don't have to suffer Jennie Bond anymore I guess. But WE ARE NOT STUPID. No really, we're not. I don't need a poorly scripted, repetitive, unilluminating voiceover telling me what is happening at every single possible twist in the contest, nor numerous recaps of what each chef is cooking; or being told roughly 32 times that one chef is 'taking a risk'; or need reminding ad nauseum that one of the three will be kicked out before the panel of judges get to taste the best dishes; or have to be explained to that one chef is trying to wind up his rivals (shown through some lazy editing that only just about backs up the words); or quite simply being treated as if the concept of paying attention to a television programme for more than a few minutes at a time is as foreign to me as charisma is to Marcus Wareing.

And while I'm about complaining, as the show starts and the chef is explaining what they're going to be cooking (which 30 seconds later the voiceover repeats), could you please stop showing images of the final dish? Part of the theatre of the show really should involve seeing the dish slowly come together and then the presentation at the end being the denouement. And we could see it come together better if we didn't have to suffer numerous recaps of what each chef is cooking; or get told roughly 32 times that one chef is 'taking a risk'; or be reminded ad nauseum that one of the three will be kicked out before the panel of judges get to taste the best dishes; be explained to that one chef is trying to wind up his rivals (shown through some lazy editing that only just about backs up the words); or quite simply be treated as if the concept of paying attention to a television programme for more than a few minutes at a time is as foreign to me as charisma is to Marcus Wareing.

Praise be for the invention of recording devices. It truly is a ten minute show as my girlfriend hits the fast forward at regular intervals. Remarkably we miss nothing, absolutely zip, zero, zilch, of the 'story' by doing so. A sad indictment of how much filler is in the show.

In short, since I know you like recaps: more of the chefs' real interaction (not that which is forced through editing); more of the actual cooking; less telling us over and over and over about risky cooking that will get one knocked out; less telling us over and over and over about risky cooking that will get one knocked out; less telling us over and over and over about risky cooking that will get one knocked out; less telling us over and over and over about risky cooking that will get one knocked out; no pictures of the finished dishes until the dishes are finished. And less Marcus Wareing if possible. To the point of no Marcus Wareing would be particularly good.

Yours sincerely

Anthony Robson

p.s. I've enclosed a second copy of this letter in case you need to read it again.

------

My proper boss was in the office for the first time today, so I've got some actual work to get my teeth into now. And the humour and conversations and everything else just 'fitted'.

Which is nice.