She Unscrews the Top of a New Whisky Bottle...

I stood behind the bar.

It was early in the day and there were few and far between customers looking for a drink.

Two gentlemen approached the bar, and pulled up stools and sat down in front of me.

In my best "Allo Allo" Accent, I greeted the men, and offered them a taste of "ma wears".

"Whit can I git for you Genteelmen, whit mai I doooo Fur Yooooo?, and that does not include ma Personal Services.."

"two whiskies, no ice, no water".

"Aha", I says, "a touch of the strong stuff, and you are sure ah cannot put anything in eet for you?"

"No thank you, just the whisky".

I pulled two glasses from the rack and as was my custom, threw them in the air, and allowed one to drop, and then picked another one.

I pulled my measure, and poured confidently, but by no means straightly, into the glasses, banged my measure on to the counter, and said "drink up boys, Ah'm yours for the taking".

Both men, sat up from the bar, put their hands into their jackets, and brought our ID Cards, and a flask, and a filter.

"Good Morning Madam, we are from the HM Government Department of Weights and Measures, we are here to randomly test the quality and quantity of measures poured in this establishment. Can you please introduce us to the Manager".

"ahem, I am the manager", says I, dropping the French accent.

"oh", they said. "Well, nice to know that you take an active part in the running of the establishment, although your offers are above and beyond what is expected".

And with that, they took their whisky, and took their leave of my bar.





It was 10 days before I heard, that my whisky was percentage proofed, and my free hand pouring was within 96% of an accurate measure!

Yay!