First Color

Third tattoo session...first adding color. I have seen it in black and white for two months and been in love with it so it was hard seeing color go on at first, especially since it was much different that I expected.

I look really happy here, and deliberately chose this image for my blip today because I know that when I look back on this date I will actually be happy about it. In reality though, at the end of this session and for a few days afterwards I was not really happy.

Getting this tattoo has been an amazing experience. A difficult and emotional amazing experience filled with tons of life lessons and analogies. That's exactly what I expected it to be, but in a totally different way than I expected. It's an interesting collaboration between the tattooee and the tattooist. You have two artists with different artistic visions combining to create one very permanent piece of artwork!

Sometimes it has felt as if I have given up an enormous amount of trust and a ton of power to a person that I hardly know. That's been hard and weird. But I have faith that in the end, no matter how it turns out, I will love the tattoo that I get.

That doesn't mean you can't feel discomfort and mistrust during the process. There are lots of things in life that are emotionally uncomfortable and I have spent the last few years learning to just "sit with" that discomfort. It's ok to experience discomfort.

Also given that this tattoo is in memory of my Dad, I think all of its metaphors are particularly apt. I had no control, I had no power, I was unable to change the fact that he died. You can try to prepare yourself as best you can but then you realize that there was no way you could prepare yourself. It was scary and painful, and difficult, and there was nothing I could do to not have those feelings. The result is both physically and emotionally permanent. In a more permanent way than I ever understood what the word permanent could possibly actually mean.

So when people ask me about "Doesn't it hurt a lot?", "Aren't you worried about how permanent that is?", "How do you still know you will love it when you're 80?" I can be very confident about my answers. It doesn't hurt nearly as much as real life does. Losing someone you love is the most permanent thing you can ever experience. And when I'm 80 I will still be thinking of my father very much and this tattoo will mean even more to me when I add 47 years of my own experience to it.

Consultation
First Session
Second Session