structure

I don't think you're supposed to take photos in this place. Or at least the security gave me a dirty look. I just think the state of paranoia is terrible now days. No one is allowed to take photos of any kind of building it seems because of security concerns.
In the comments a few days ago, brickmaker asked to talk more about China. I recently went to China for the first time over the holidays. I didn't have a holiday last year so this year I decided to go for it and take 7 weeks off. You can do that sort of thing as a contractor but unfortunately you still don't get paid. First need some set up here...
I met my gal about 10 months back on some online dating site. It's the first time I ever tried that sort of thing (really!). I mean, I don't go to pubs or dance clubs (not that that is the right kind of place to meet someone for a serious relationship) and I don't have many friends here (yet). I hadn't really pursued a girl for almost 4 years I guess. Me and my flatmate were talking about it one night. He is in sadder shape than me, not having had a girl friend for a near decade, when his sweetheart was killed by lightning, a really disturbing story that's not really mine to tell. We were both kind of bummed out by how hard it is to meet a girl. Indeed my flatmate said he had nearly resigned himself to a life of being single. This sounded terrible to me and I had a sudden moment of panic and asked "Do you think that can happen?" to which he replied "sure, happens to people all the time. No lack of lonely people in this world". We were drinking and I just sat there kind of in that depressed stupor state where the positive buzz has faded out and you just kind of want to fall asleep. All the sudden I just announced, "not me. I'm going to start looking for a girl immediately." My flat mate just laughed.
Maybe it's my biological clock kicking in (if men have one) but I'm at the age where one should start thinking about marriage and a family. I have lots of brothers and sister (all married, well, except the one who's gay) and it has long passed the point where relatives ask "when is it your turn?". In reflecting about it that night, I thought the most likely problem was is that I hadn't been trying to meet anyone...for years now. I had a bad experience with the last relationship I had with a girl and truth be told, it just shut me down for a few years. I mean, it's real pain, that element of love and life, knowing you can be so close to someone, as close as two people who can possibly get and then the next moment, you're strangers who have nothing to do with each other. That's a scary thing to deal with. Anyway, that night I decided it was time to be over that and I needed to start trying or I would end up a lonely old fellow without companionship or a family. That night I decided I would give online dating a try. as a start.
After going through the profile setup I started browsing the profiles. There was this one girl in particular that caught my attention. Her profile didn't say much but something about her photo... I don't know if there is such a thing as love at first sight but certainly I've experienced the sensation of almost knowing a person at the first sight, of recognizing something in their eyes, feeling some kind of connection of kindred thread before even speaking the first word. I felt this every time I looked at her photo. There was an age gap though, quite a big one, so I skipped by her profile, feeling to ashamed to start up a dialog with her.
I dated maybe a half dozen girls within the space of 4 months. I even saw one of them for 6 or 7 dates and considered getting serious. But in the end none of them were right. Indeed, each experience seemed to get worse, at times almost convincing me to give up this endeavor completely. Between each of these I went back to that dating site and each time stumbled on this same girls profile that I felt the connection to. I just stared at it, then almost started to send her a message, but each time, that age difference just kept me from going through it. One thing I had come to accept is that online dating is now a most definite and valid way to date. I might have once been ashamed to admit to it but not anymore. Enough people were doing it to make it acceptable. But I still was afraid of sending a message to this girl, in that, I really really didn't want her to think, oh, man, here is this old pervert who probably messages all the girls just over 18. Our age difference was 12 years! That's too much, right?
I thought so.
I mean, when I graduated from high school, she was just finishing kindergarten or whatever!
After a particularly bad experience, I found myself back at the sight one night, drinking by myself in my room, looking at all these beautiful girl's profiles and feeling like really giving up. Something kicked in and I thought, I'm not going to quit without a fight. I sent all the most beautiful and clever girls that I could find a message, knowing I would most likely have a chance with none...these were all the ones I had held back from initially, the ones that I felt were out of my league. I formatted the most confident message I could, thinking, hey, what have I got to lose? More rejection? More bad experiences? Why not, I can take a bit more. The last profile I sat looking at was HERS. I hesitated for a moment, wrote her a personalized message, and hit send.
Then I forgot about it. She didn't reply.
Well, not for nearly two months.
Then she did. We started emailing, then msn, then texting, finally we met, not a date, just sort of...well, a meeting in the city, neutral, non-committed.
She was from China. Came here just after High School for university. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to understand my english as well that she wouldn't be able to make her english understood.
Our meeting was brief. I didn't have a bad feeling but I had been on enough dates now to know when someone wasn't interested. It's sort of like, they turn a switch off, just pass the time until the dates over. It wasn't that either exactly. Something was a little strange and I found I couldn't really guess what she was thinking. After I left, I assumed the worst. Well, there another one to mark off I thought.
Soon after, she texted me, thanking me. I was surprised by this. I texted back and we chatted in this texting manner for nearly an hour. Finally I told her, I sort of thought you weren't into me, you know? And she replied, no, no, don't think that! I'm just really shy! I was afraid to speak. I was afraid you wouldn't like me! Then I just said, "I like you. I really like you."
a few nights later, chatting online, I joked, and said I was coming to pick her up (it was like 1:00 am). She said "Okay, give me 20 minutes, I'm going to take a shower." I was like , "really?" and she replied "oh, I thought you were just joking?". I said "well, I guess I was kind of...what about you?" "Half and half". I said "can I come pick you up?" "I'm not sure...I don't think we should. It's too fast maybe." I said, "yeah, I mean, you're right and I'm not really like that either you know..." then she said "ok". I was like, "Ok, I can come and pick you up?" and she said "no, I was saying ok, I know you are not like that." "Oh..." "Do you really want to see me tonight?" "to be honest..yes, more than anything." "But we haven't even started dating yet" I just kept silent for a minute, wondering if I had just gone too far and messed things up. Then she said "Ok. Come get me."
That night...I'll never forget it. I picked her up and my heart was beating so fast. We parked by the water (I thought if I just took her home she would think I was up to know good). I said, we can just sit here and talk. Any time you want to go home, I'll take you. She said "your hands are so much bigger than mine." "Yes"... then from me "can I...hold your hand?" "Okay..." There was so much nervous energy in that car I thought it would explode. I hadn't felt like this around a girl since High school. Eventually we came back to my flat (flatmate was out of town, thank God). We mulled around the flat, kind of talking, kind of trying to get comfortable with each other. we eventually went into my room. I sat in the chair, she just stood. She seemed a little uncomfortable. Suddenly it seemed she was scared and nervous. I wondered if I should offer to take her home again. Instead I asked if I could hug her. She said "alright".
I cannot remember how long we hugged. I just remember we were embraced like that for a long long time. I could hear her heart beat so rapidly. I felt like crying. I was very emotinal. She said something I didn't quite catch. I just replied "Thank you. You saved me" Sounds cheesy I know but I really felt something like that at that time. still do :)
We ended laying together all night, holding each other, touching one another's faces, then our first kiss. We never went past that. We were just content to be together like that and lay there all night, talking some, mostly just looking into each other's eyes. The next day I had to work. I drove her home at 6am and went to work without any sleep but feeling more happy than anything else.
The relationship started from there.
It was most definitely not all easy from there. Building trust between us was a big accomplishment. I was still trying to mend my heart in some ways and she had heard that western guys couldn't be trusted. Her Mom, and all her Chinese friends had continually indoctrinated her about how western guys are very casual and freely sleep with girls, leaving them easily, or divorcing their wives without a 2nd thought. It was a mission in itself to convince that I actually never went to pubs searching out one-night stands. Then there were the cultural differences. The age gap causes some level of misunderstand as well in a way I can't explain. Sometimes I forget that she is young. Likewise she sometimes forgets I have had a lot of experiences in life, been there - done that kind of things. But all in all, we clicked in a way that made nothing else matter.
After that, it was time to go home with her to China during the holiday break and meet her family. But now I've gotten lost in my own story, which I've made entirely too long. I'll have to call this part one and go on to 'meeting the parents' next time. I'm a really terrible story teller and all my friends always ask me, "when are you going to get to the point?" haha. Sorry about that.