39 Minutes

That's how long it took to upload this shot on my home connection. 39 minutes. I thought this was 2011 not 2001.

Always open with a moan and amusing comment on the title.

The shot here is heavily processed and kinda in honour of Annies One Star blips who has done some interesting shots recently. That's todays motivation.

Plug another blipper who's work you quite like. Second good move, shows you identify with other people and of course appreciate their work

Today I've been mostly watching football and rugby. England beat Scotland in the six nations, but we were far from convincing. I had Kirky round to watch the West Ham game as Zanna won't let him watch it at home. Halfway through their was a knock at the door: Zanna. The boys day went downhill from there.

Briefly cover todays events, and add or imply something derogatory about the people you share your life with in an almost callous disregard for their friendship. Remember, you're safe here where none of your family and friends know to look

Tongith Kirky is back round without the boss in tow for an ass kicking on FIFA.

Cover the events of the next few hours so regular readers know what event you'll be recounting tomorrow along with the obligatory hiccup that befalls you. drop something in that subliminally makes you look good (winning at FIFA for instance). Ensure there is at least one accidental typo in the text.

I had to go to the shops today for Mum who was unwell, and on the back roads to Welton I encountered a pair of runners. The woman moved onto the verge but the guy is a reflective jacket kept running in the road. I pulled onto the other verge and negotiated, and as I did he gesticulated at me in the rear view mirror!! I pay my flipping road tax and he is a pedestrian: the right of way therefore is mine. Anyway he probably didn't suss that I'd be making the return journey five minutes later. sure enough I encountered him on the way back to. This time I just floored it and allowed him to make the decision. Shockingly he dived out of the way just as a tonne and a half of Peugeot HDI roared past at barely legal speeds. Needless to say I had the last laugh.

Finish with a general moan about the general public. Ensure you look like a bit of a no nonsense character not to be messed with, building the illusion of a Victor Meldrew figure. Do NOT let anyone know you are actually soft as shit. Hide any potentially damaging other claims (I gesticulated at him first in this instance) and finally ensure the story finishes with you coming out on top. Drop in a clever film or comedy reference (Needless to say I had the last laugh: mentioned over 20 times in Alan Partridges fictitious book 'Bouncing Back).

scene

This special bonus edition of Garys Journal featured behind the scenes commentary from the man himself, as well as a deleted scene.