wait for signal

might be with you that part of the problem is that you are looking for legitimacy for your decision, permission
to fulfill
your needs
perhaps permission to reject because the move is not what you want [so unavoidably will cause pain] or permission to accept, to be allowed to acknowledge that it is right [and you are happy]

As for me, caught in my triangle, I feel paralysed now, waiting for some sort of sign, knowing inevitably that I will hurt
wondering if I will get it right without breaking too much, or just all wrong.

Like my friend said if I could roll all into one: the peace the passion; the active uncomplicated care; and the inspiring interesting excitement
it would be perfect

but I can't

so I wait for a signal